Your life is awesome? That’s great. I’m glad to hear it. Or read it on Facebook anyway. I’m glad that you had a great meal, had a great time, killed time with old friend, felt the sun on your face, ran with grace, dreamt of stars and space. I’m glad your life is awesome.
All in all, my life is awesome. I’m in good health. I love my wife, my family, my friends and at least some of them love me. It feels good to be rich, which I recently decided I was. True, as it stands right now, if I add up all my cash and IRAs and 401ks and subtract credit cards and mortgages, I end up with a negative number. But by most standards that exist most places and most times for most of humanity, I’m certain I’m rich. And honestly, it feels good to be rich.
So I’m awesome and you’re awesome, which is awesome.
There’s just one thing that troubles me.
Before Facebook, my friends weren’t quite so awesome. My friends were often awesome, but sometimes sad, troubled, worried.
I remember the night you and I sat up drinking wine until the sun brightened the horizon because someone left one of us. I don’t even remember which one of us got dumped, but I remember raising a toast to difficult women. I remember we both had a mild buzz on (at least mine was mild) and a serious case of sleep deprivation. And it felt like friendship.
I remember when there was a problem with my paycheck which meant there was very soon going to be a problem with my rent. You offered me money. We didn’t even know each other that well then. I certainly wouldn’t have dared ask you for money, but you offered. And it felt like friendship.
I remember that sometimes we went to cool places, but for the most part our lives were pretty boring. There was a lot of going to work and coming home and doing dishes and laundry and a lot of saying “Hey, I’d love to watch a movie tonight, but I’m super tired.” And later, I remember a lot of “I’ve got the kids this weekend. We won’t really be able to talk, but you can come over and hang out.” And it felt like friendship.
And I remember last week. Everyone I knew was awesome and doing their awesome stuff. The sunset was awesome. The hike was awesome. The climb was awesome. And somehow it didn’t feel like much of anything at all.