Whimsical | Raised By Turtles

How to Tell Tom from Las Vegas

26 Oct 2015 (updated 21 Dec, 2022)

People are always telling me I look a lot like Las Vegas. Here is a brief guide to help people tell us apart.

Meets Expectations (a one-sentence novel)

4 Feb 2008 (updated 14 Nov, 2019)

As I sat in front of the television in my bathrobe eating cold soup straight from the can, I was struck by the feeling that I was not going to exceed my father’s expectations. Epilogue. My hopes were renewed when I noted that at least I had taken time to dig a spoon from the […]

Bowling Deaths Double

27 Aug 2006 (updated 21 Dec, 2022)

This is an earlier draft of an essay that appears in my collection of essays, Raised by Turtles: A Book in American. Some day, I will take the final version and reformat it and paste it in here, but for now it is only available in print for $4.95 $6.44 (I guess inflation has hit […]

Switzerland declares neutrality on Sweden

24 Aug 2006 (updated 14 Nov, 2019)

In a move that shocked the international diplomatic community, Switzerland today declared neutrality on Sweden. The small land-locked European nation is best known for declaring neutrality on Nazi German during World War II and on Turkey during the latter nation’s struggle with Kurdish separatists. A small group of neo-con scholars thinkers commentators have long noticed […]

Era of Change Upon Us Again

16 Jun 2006 (updated 14 Nov, 2019)

I get the headlines from the New York Times emailed to me every day. It saves a lot of money, fuel and paper in the long run. Today, the venerable NYT sent me this headline for the article about Bill Gates stepping down at Microsoft: Gates to Cede Software Reins in Era of Change. At […]

Personal Favorites

Improved Roads (thoughts on the loss of wild places)
A Theory of Dryer Crimes (fiction in which Jason turns out to be an asshole)
The Forgetoir (a new literary form to replace the memoir)
The Faithful Couple (a poem about long-term love)
Curriculum Vitae (a poem about learning to live)
Best Jeremiah Johnson Quotes (the only post to appear on both the "favorites" list and the "most popular" list, because JJ is a movie to live by)
Ice Cream For Dinner (imaginary high school graduation speech; my chance to tell young people to stop listening to the lies of their elders)
The Boy Behind the Couch (reading Susan Cain and my secret life as an introvert)
How To Tell Tom from Las Vegas (my friends get this, others may not)
Sarah's Watch (fiction fragment and experiment in writing with Hemingway App)
Learning to Read (and what makes a great reader).
You Can Always Yell Later (a life lesson from my mom on getting what you want and making the world better)
I’d Like to Add You to My Network. Some of these Linked in connection options are getting scary (humor, I think).
Six Essential Skills that Marketers Can Teach Academics (for scholars who write grants and apply for fellowships, please stop aiming the gun at your foot).